Dating is hard everywhere, for everybody. I know very few people who found their partner early, and even fewer who managed to stay happy. I've always been a quirkyalone,
so why do I even date? It's because I know from experience that being in love, and having that love requited, can be pretty fab. It makes food taste better, makes colors seem brighter, rattatat-boom and all that goodness. That is why, even though I think that dating feels like diving into an Olympic swimming pool full of razors, swimming twenty laps, then showering in a bucket of lemon juice, I keep at it.
I had a rather amusing email conversation on this topic with Steve, a friend and former coworker who is gay and in a committed, healthy, happy relationship. Steve keeps it real, his husband Jay is a blast, and their kids - two little weiner dogs - are adorable. I tend to be the person in my social circle who plays armchair psychologist, so it's nice for me to have somebody that I can go to for advice and reassurance every once in a while. Steve:
Sorry I missed your call last night - we were both a little frazzled and just sitting down to eat.Me:
No worries. Want to do lunch this week?Steve:
Next week would be better, assuming I'm still here. I think I'm booked, but you never know. Me:
Awesome. I'm glad they extended you! I'm down for next week. Did you vote yesterday?Steve:
Yes I did.... with the dogs. They both got stickers.Me:
I knew your dogs were patriots. So, please help me out with this...what is up with guys out here? They can't close. They're all "heeeeeyyyyy", but don't actually ask you out. If they do, they don't call to confirm. They don't come up with any ideas for the date. They expect the chick to do everything. Where are the hunters? The ones who say "I dig you and I want to take you to [whatever] restaurant on Friday." I'm a New Yorker, I don't have time for bullshit. It's like passive aggressive Peter Pan syndrome out here. HELP.Ed note: Yes, I am aware that women can ask men out. I myself have done that several times. Here's the problem that I've experienced - if I do the asking, the guy either freaks out because he thinks I'm already in love with him, or he assumes that he's automatically getting laid. I thought the whole purpose of a date was to get to know somebody, or see if there's any chemistry? Have drinks, maybe an appetizer, keep it short, no pressure? Sounds good on paper, but it doesn't seem to work. Not for me, anyhow.Steve:
I can't help you out because it's just as bad on the gay side. Maybe worse, because guys are naturally sleazier. I had pretty much given up before I met Jay.Me:
Goddammit. I can't even become a cat lady because I'm allergic to cats!Steve:
There's always birds. You could be a Bird Lady.Me: Tuppence a bag!Steve:
More like a pound sterling with inflation.Me:
Well, at least I'll be a rich crazy bird lady.Steve:
True. Maybe I should look into it because I'm never going to get rich in this business anymore.Me:
Lawd, yes. Whenever a young whippersnapper asks me, "do you have any advice for me in this business?", I say "Invest well," 'cause you never know. Can I print our crazy bird lady convo in my blog? Because I just reread it and laughed. I know my readers would enjoy it.Steve:
Judging by the stock market lately I'm not even sure that's good advice. And by all means blog me.Me:
You rock. I will make ya famous! So, I got a rather depressing email from my friend Patrick, which basically said, "Lower your standards." SAD FACE. Lower than the guy who asked me for a bj over drinks? Lower than the guy who pushed his vegetables around on his plate and barely spoke to me on our second date? Lower than the guy who had three kids by the time he was 27 (never married) and "didn't know why?". DO NOT WANT.Steve:
Honey I can top that - I met the man of my dreams many years ago only to discover he was an "Adult Baby"
.... he wanted me to diaper him!Me:
Yeah, you win.Steve:
Could have been worse.... could have been a "plushie."Me:
Hahahaha....I'm going to wind up sharing my bed with stuffed animals. Andy Dick makes my dates look well adjusted.Steve:
I think it's just LA. I think that's why I want to leave. I'm over this town.Me:
I may stow away in your suitcase.
Dammit, California, you have a gorgeous coastline, ethnic diversity, great food, beautiful mountains and terrific weather. Please do not make me pay for it all with a Crazy Man Tax!
Labels: Dating, Rants