Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?

My crush on Gene Wilder, which began when I first saw Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, was solidified the day I watched Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles with my dad. It is one of my all time favorite, "desert island" movies. Odienator over at Big Media Vandalism wrote a post about it that is so amazing, I really have nothing to add...except this.


Of course, Gene Wilder isn't the only reason to watch the movie. It features Mel Brooks, Harvey Corman, Cleavon Little and the exquisite Madeline Kahn:


At the end of the day, though, I still have a major crush on only one cast member - The Waco Kid.

Via Chaos Theory.

Scary nature

Um, I vacationed in Kuranda. Eek!

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.*

Awesome.

*From the Poem Ode on a Grecian Urn by John Keats.

Bitch is the new black

I heart Tina Fey!


UPDATE: YouTube had to take the video down, but you can see it at the end of this clip.

Date rape is not a seduction technique!

Here's an IM exchange I had today with a guy that I've been on two dates with. I was considering a third...I think he may have changed my mind.

i'llcallhimchad: when is our next date?
ginger: I don't know - I can't tell how this week is shaping up
chad: i think you can whip it into shape
ginger: well I'm the one getting whipped. We are swamped!
chad: do you like that? or do you prefer a hand?

(On our last date, 'Chad' mentioned that he enjoys "light bondage." I cannot for the life of me remember how that came up. It was the middle of the afternoon - we were at a restaurant having lunch. I am very liberal, but since Chad and I had spent less than a total of 8 hours together, I responded by saying something like, "Do you now?", and changing the subject. Nothing wrong with a little bondage between the bonded, but I barely know this guy.)

ginger: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Mr Light Bondage
chad: HAHA
ginger: why don't we touch base later in the week?
chad: well im begining to think you aren't attracted to me!
chad: all of our meetings have been during the day...
ginger: All two of them, when we've been so busy?
chad: ha
chad: how am i going to get liquor in you and take advantage?

(Blink. UM. Did he really just say that to a woman he's spent less than two days with?)

ginger: Wow.
ginger: sounds like daytime is safer
chad: maybe

(Is that supposed to be cute? I needed a minute to think, so I didn't respond.)

chad: ooops

(No kidding, dude. Well, I thought I'd give him the chance to back out gracefully, or educate him a little bit as to what many women deal with on the dating scene. Surely he would understand my response then.)

ginger: how do you know that a woman hasn't had a guy try to do that?
chad: well
chad: i think all women have

(And YET, you made the joke anyway! The mind boggles.)

ginger: which makes it not funny
chad: well im sorry then
ginger: yeah, date rape jokes aren't exactly arousing
chad: well if you want to take it there

(How am I the one who took it there?)

chad: i didnt say make you pass out and have sex with you

(OH! What a relief! "I'd like to get you liquored up so I can take advantage" doesn't mean that at all. Why do some guys think this is funny?)

chad: i just implied light lowering of the inhibitions
ginger: Dude, if you need to get me drunk, you're doing it wrong
chad: i dont think david shuster really thought the clintons were pimping out Chelsea
chad: when he said that
ginger: he knew he was being disrespecful, that was the point

(Bloody hell, he's still arguing with me.)

chad: it was analyzed to the detail
chad: and i dont need to get you drunk
ginger: I am not Chelsea Clinton
ginger: i am just a woman who's had guys try all kinds of sleazy shit
ginger: so when a dude makes a joke like that, it normalizes that behavior

(Behavior which is, sadly, common; over half of all sexual assaults involve alcohol. I'm too annoyed to link to any studies, but you can look it up. I have several friends who've been assaulted while drunk, so I am sensitive to this issue, even though I've been spared that experience up to this point. Bepenised readers, you can be certain that you know at least one woman who has suffered this. A woman is sexually assaulted every SIX MINUTES in this country. It is not funny! Be prepared to get called out for this shit.)

chad: ok fair enough
chad: im not like that

(Oh, no, not you! You just think it's a joke, and when a woman tells you it ain't funny, you'll pick nits with her.)

chad: and i apologize for some of my gender
ginger: don't bother, just don't say shit like that
chad: ok ok!

(In otherwords, 'Can it, chick! You're hysterical!' Women hear this all the time when they say 'rape isn't funny.' Come on! You're reading too much into it! It's only words! Know what? I'll calm down when this kind of shit stops happening. Till then, if you're a man and you make a rape joke, you get nowhere near my vagina.)

I signed off right after that.

UPDATE: Fuck it, here's a fact sheet!

Happy Thursday

Dear readers, have a happy "Whatever Lifestyle You've Chosen" day. Try to avoid overpriced teddy bears, tacky lingerie and bad chocolates if you can! I say that if you want to show some love, donate to a charity like this, this, this, or this in your loved one's name. Now that's romantic!

I am inundated with work this week, so I'll pass along a couple of links on this Hallmark holiday. Enjoy Twisty's hilarious post about this once a year candy-and-underwear fest; also check out Fabiana's funny rant here.

Finally, enjoy this video of Malcom Jamal Warner (yes, it's Theo!) at Def Poetry Jam:

By the way, the tying up and torturing with kisses thing? Done it, and it's FUN. I recommend it!

*Above graphic courtsesy of Heartless Bitches International.

Le SIGH.

Sawyer's Nickname Generator.

GIVE HIM CAKE!

Happy birthday to my only transvestite crush, Eddie Izzard. If I need to explain why I love this man, you must not have seen Dress to Kill, which is one of the funniest comedy DVDs of all time. The Riches is a fantastic show, too. Eddie, I want you to make me laugh for many more years, so I hope you choose cake today. It's very nice.

Getting advice

Dating is hard everywhere, for everybody. I know very few people who found their partner early, and even fewer who managed to stay happy. I've always been a quirkyalone, so why do I even date? It's because I know from experience that being in love, and having that love requited, can be pretty fab. It makes food taste better, makes colors seem brighter, rattatat-boom and all that goodness. That is why, even though I think that dating feels like diving into an Olympic swimming pool full of razors, swimming twenty laps, then showering in a bucket of lemon juice, I keep at it.

I had a rather amusing email conversation on this topic with Steve, a friend and former coworker who is gay and in a committed, healthy, happy relationship. Steve keeps it real, his husband Jay is a blast, and their kids - two little weiner dogs - are adorable. I tend to be the person in my social circle who plays armchair psychologist, so it's nice for me to have somebody that I can go to for advice and reassurance every once in a while.

Steve: Sorry I missed your call last night - we were both a little frazzled and just sitting down to eat.

Me: No worries. Want to do lunch this week?

Steve: Next week would be better, assuming I'm still here. I think I'm booked, but you never know.

Me: Awesome. I'm glad they extended you! I'm down for next week. Did you vote yesterday?

Steve: Yes I did.... with the dogs. They both got stickers.

Me: I knew your dogs were patriots. So, please help me out with this...what is up with guys out here? They can't close. They're all "heeeeeyyyyy", but don't actually ask you out. If they do, they don't call to confirm. They don't come up with any ideas for the date. They expect the chick to do everything. Where are the hunters? The ones who say "I dig you and I want to take you to [whatever] restaurant on Friday." I'm a New Yorker, I don't have time for bullshit. It's like passive aggressive Peter Pan syndrome out here. HELP.

Ed note: Yes, I am aware that women can ask men out. I myself have done that several times. Here's the problem that I've experienced - if I do the asking, the guy either freaks out because he thinks I'm already in love with him, or he assumes that he's automatically getting laid. I thought the whole purpose of a date was to get to know somebody, or see if there's any chemistry? Have drinks, maybe an appetizer, keep it short, no pressure? Sounds good on paper, but it doesn't seem to work. Not for me, anyhow.

Steve: I can't help you out because it's just as bad on the gay side. Maybe worse, because guys are naturally sleazier. I had pretty much given up before I met Jay.

Me: Goddammit. I can't even become a cat lady because I'm allergic to cats!

Steve: There's always birds. You could be a Bird Lady.

Me: Tuppence a bag!

Steve: More like a pound sterling with inflation.

Me: Well, at least I'll be a rich crazy bird lady.

Steve: True. Maybe I should look into it because I'm never going to get rich in this business anymore.

Me: Lawd, yes. Whenever a young whippersnapper asks me, "do you have any advice for me in this business?", I say "Invest well," 'cause you never know. Can I print our crazy bird lady convo in my blog? Because I just reread it and laughed. I know my readers would enjoy it.

Steve: Judging by the stock market lately I'm not even sure that's good advice. And by all means blog me.

Me: You rock. I will make ya famous! So, I got a rather depressing email from my friend Patrick, which basically said, "Lower your standards." SAD FACE. Lower than the guy who asked me for a bj over drinks? Lower than the guy who pushed his vegetables around on his plate and barely spoke to me on our second date? Lower than the guy who had three kids by the time he was 27 (never married) and "didn't know why?". DO NOT WANT.

Steve: Honey I can top that - I met the man of my dreams many years ago only to discover he was an "Adult Baby".... he wanted me to diaper him!

Me: Yeah, you win.

Steve: Could have been worse.... could have been a "plushie."

Me: Hahahaha....I'm going to wind up sharing my bed with stuffed animals. Andy Dick makes my dates look well adjusted.

Steve: I think it's just LA. I think that's why I want to leave. I'm over this town.

Me: I may stow away in your suitcase.

Dammit, California, you have a gorgeous coastline, ethnic diversity, great food, beautiful mountains and terrific weather. Please do not make me pay for it all with a Crazy Man Tax!

Soldier up

Like many Americans, I receive male sexual enhancement emails every day. Ironically, I only get them at my work addy. The email system at my company has a "quarantine" function that corrals all non-company emails into one daily email. Each workday, I look forward to opening my "Quarantine Summary" email and reading the following offers:

"Bonus inches of pleasure!"
As the man said, it ain't the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean.

"Proven effect for your penis enlargement!"
Sadly, no 'before and after' pics were provided in the email.

"Gradually your dick will grow larger!"
They usually do, with enough, erm, stimulation.

"Your dick size will never arouse derision!"
Unless it's the size of a gherkin, or you're dating a very cruel woman.

"Improbable effect on your phallus!"
'Improbable' is not a good sales adjective. Sounds dangerous, actually.

"Make your dick bigger and more solid!"
A solid package would make walking difficult, no?

"Watch your thing getting bigger day by day!"
Hey! My boobs do that, thanks to my hormonal cycle. They're magic!

"More power and super-size for your willy!"
How many horsepower does an average dick have, exactly?

"Advantages of a bigger penis are innumerable!"
If it doesn't come with increased intelligence and a sense of humor, spend your money elsewhere.

Fun, aren't they? I make a mad rush to my emailbox every workday to see what new gems are waiting for me. Here's my all-time favorite, though:

"Your little soldier will become a major general!"
Awwww. That's actually cute! Yes, I know that guys hate the word 'cute' when it's used anywhere near a penis, but that ad copy makes me think of March of the Wooden Soldiers, for some reason. Wood!

Ok, I think the stupid penis ads are lowering my IQ. Not opening them any more.

All hail the New York Giants!

Well, I called the point spread, but not the team...should have had more faith in Noo Yawk. Yay Giants! This year's SuperBowl beat the hell out of last year's.

The above clip is from the movie Madagascar.