Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Date rape is not a seduction technique!

Here's an IM exchange I had today with a guy that I've been on two dates with. I was considering a third...I think he may have changed my mind.

i'llcallhimchad: when is our next date?
ginger: I don't know - I can't tell how this week is shaping up
chad: i think you can whip it into shape
ginger: well I'm the one getting whipped. We are swamped!
chad: do you like that? or do you prefer a hand?

(On our last date, 'Chad' mentioned that he enjoys "light bondage." I cannot for the life of me remember how that came up. It was the middle of the afternoon - we were at a restaurant having lunch. I am very liberal, but since Chad and I had spent less than a total of 8 hours together, I responded by saying something like, "Do you now?", and changing the subject. Nothing wrong with a little bondage between the bonded, but I barely know this guy.)

ginger: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Mr Light Bondage
chad: HAHA
ginger: why don't we touch base later in the week?
chad: well im begining to think you aren't attracted to me!
chad: all of our meetings have been during the day...
ginger: All two of them, when we've been so busy?
chad: ha
chad: how am i going to get liquor in you and take advantage?

(Blink. UM. Did he really just say that to a woman he's spent less than two days with?)

ginger: Wow.
ginger: sounds like daytime is safer
chad: maybe

(Is that supposed to be cute? I needed a minute to think, so I didn't respond.)

chad: ooops

(No kidding, dude. Well, I thought I'd give him the chance to back out gracefully, or educate him a little bit as to what many women deal with on the dating scene. Surely he would understand my response then.)

ginger: how do you know that a woman hasn't had a guy try to do that?
chad: well
chad: i think all women have

(And YET, you made the joke anyway! The mind boggles.)

ginger: which makes it not funny
chad: well im sorry then
ginger: yeah, date rape jokes aren't exactly arousing
chad: well if you want to take it there

(How am I the one who took it there?)

chad: i didnt say make you pass out and have sex with you

(OH! What a relief! "I'd like to get you liquored up so I can take advantage" doesn't mean that at all. Why do some guys think this is funny?)

chad: i just implied light lowering of the inhibitions
ginger: Dude, if you need to get me drunk, you're doing it wrong
chad: i dont think david shuster really thought the clintons were pimping out Chelsea
chad: when he said that
ginger: he knew he was being disrespecful, that was the point

(Bloody hell, he's still arguing with me.)

chad: it was analyzed to the detail
chad: and i dont need to get you drunk
ginger: I am not Chelsea Clinton
ginger: i am just a woman who's had guys try all kinds of sleazy shit
ginger: so when a dude makes a joke like that, it normalizes that behavior

(Behavior which is, sadly, common; over half of all sexual assaults involve alcohol. I'm too annoyed to link to any studies, but you can look it up. I have several friends who've been assaulted while drunk, so I am sensitive to this issue, even though I've been spared that experience up to this point. Bepenised readers, you can be certain that you know at least one woman who has suffered this. A woman is sexually assaulted every SIX MINUTES in this country. It is not funny! Be prepared to get called out for this shit.)

chad: ok fair enough
chad: im not like that

(Oh, no, not you! You just think it's a joke, and when a woman tells you it ain't funny, you'll pick nits with her.)

chad: and i apologize for some of my gender
ginger: don't bother, just don't say shit like that
chad: ok ok!

(In otherwords, 'Can it, chick! You're hysterical!' Women hear this all the time when they say 'rape isn't funny.' Come on! You're reading too much into it! It's only words! Know what? I'll calm down when this kind of shit stops happening. Till then, if you're a man and you make a rape joke, you get nowhere near my vagina.)

I signed off right after that.

UPDATE: Fuck it, here's a fact sheet!

Labels: ,

18 Comments:

Blogger Linnaeus said...

Yeah, a joke like that is definitely not funny and certainly not a way to impress a woman you're trying to get to know better.

This guy sounds like he was trying to be witty and a little aggressive at the same time, thinking that you'd see it as suggestive flirting and react with an "Ooo!" or something like that.

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ginger! Don't even waste your time on this dude. He doesnt derserve being with a self-respecting WOMAN! These guys need to grow up. They are emotionally stunted and probably hang around with others that suffer from arrested development...MOVE ON...
Mar Mar

5:46 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Yeah, tell me about it. My girlfriends' response has unanimously been "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

One of my girlfriends said "It's interesting that he figures that happens to all women, but thought it was funny anyway...that means he thinks it's normal, or worse, it's normal for him."

9:50 AM  
Blogger Linnaeus said...

By the way, Ging, have you been reading zuzu's blog Kindly Pog Mo Thoin? She seems to be having similar problems with men she's meeting through OK Cupid and is pretty much ready to bag it altogether. I guess I just found the concordance between your two experiences (at least as I've been reading them) interesting.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"every two minutes in North America," not the US, i'm guessing Mexico, the Caribbean, et al have something to do with that

11:41 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Anon, good point, but I believe that in this context, North America refers to the United States and Canada exclusively. I could be wrong. I think the statistic for the US is every six minutes. Feel free to look it up.

Linnaeus, I have read Zuzu's blog. The "are you an out there girl?" post cracked my shit up.

2:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Bob Knight said it best: "If rape is inevitable, why not sit back and enjoy it?"

2:25 PM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Keep it classy, Anon! You're exactly the kind of guy I'm talking about.

4:22 PM  
Anonymous She said yes said...

I believe the great Mr Brooks summed this topic up as follows:
Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.
So do I. Especially with Gingers

3:58 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Awww. You guys are so sweet...hey Anon and she said yes? I hope you boys remember what you've said if some dude tries to shove his dick up your ass. 'Cause you know, if rape is inevitable, just lie back and enjoy a prostate massage!

9:52 AM  
Blogger Snark Scribe said...

Ew. I'm glad you found out before the third date.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Letty Cruz said...

Been a long time since I've paid a visit, Ginger, and once again: THANK YOU. Bullshitters like the anons above slide back into the drains they oozed from when I've also pointed out the dick-up-THEIR-butts scenario. Funny how men like that happen to be the most homophobic of all, because the only way they can see gay men is as playing field levellers in their twisted concept of sexuality.

Rock on, babe!

11:48 PM  
Blogger Ginger said...

You're welcome! That's how I roll. Here there be snark.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Ealasaid said...

Ginger, you continue to be my heroine. I gotta remember that response to slimeballs like the anon(s) above. Beautiful.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Awwww, shucks.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Sweating Through fog said...

Hi just stopping by from Hugo's. It's been a long while since I've done any dating, but I'm astonished a guy would allude to "light bondage" on the second date.

You were quite right to call him on his "joke", and I agree with your friends. Guy seems like a creep.

And I love your line: "Dude, if you need to get me drunk, you're doing it wrong"

6:25 PM  
Anonymous WG said...

Ginger, you remind me why I married a redhead. :)

No, "jokes" like that aren't funny, they're a way of trying to see if you're "into" whatever it is he wants and won't freak out...then if you find it offensive, he can claim it's all a joke. The intent is pretty clear - he's dead serious, but presenting what he's saying in a "oh, but I was just kidding around" way.

Douchebag. Guys like that give the rest of us a bad name. >:(

12:54 PM  
Blogger Ginger said...

WG, I'm sure married life is fun for you ; )

11:10 PM  

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