You're fired

Donald Trump has appointed himself The Beauty King.

I'm serious. The Donald thinks that Angelina Jolie is "no beauty."

What a catty bitch! Is he on crack? I mean, this is the woman he's talking about:

"I own Miss Universe, I own Miss USA," he says, with his usual arrogance, as though he owns the women themselves. "I do understand beauty."

Uh-huh.

Jolie may not be everybody's cup of tea, but she has her own unique look, and there's no question she's got a brain. I admire her work as a goodwill ambassador for the UN, but of course, traveling through Afghanistan without makeup is so not hottt!!


"I can shoot my mouth off 'cause I gots lots of moneeeeeeeeee!"

Between you and me, I think Trump's problem with Angie is that she hasn't got fake tits and a reconstructed face. The Donald loves him some fembots, and as we (and Ivana and Marla) all know, he enjoys trading up.

Listen, Donny? If you really understood beauty, you would have ditched the combover decades ago. REALLY not hot.

Hail to the Queen

No, I'm not dead. I've been up to my ears in nuptials, dear readers. My baby sister got married on Oct. 5, and I have another wedding coming up this weekend.

I'm hoping to post again soon. In the meantime, have some Latifah on me.