Indignities

"Tell me if you think this is weird."

Gotta love it when a conversation starts like that right out of the gate. First off, if you hear that statement, whatever the asker says or does next is going to be weird. You have been warned!

In this particular instance, my former roommate C.C. and I were chilling one night at home. She was doing her homework at the dining room table, while I lay on the floor, reading a magazine.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, rolling over onto my back.

"Brad does this weird thing when we have sex. It's this strange position...I'm not sure what he's trying to do."

"Oh." C.C. is a wonderful girl that I normally had a lot of time for, but I really, really did not need to hear such things. Brad was a regular visitor in our home; how was I supposed to keep a straight face when he was around? "Well, maybe you should talk to him about it."

"I need you to tell me if it's weird."

I raised an eyebrow. "If you think it's weird, then it is, because you're the one doing it."

"No, really. Let me show you." Before I could move, she had straddled me on the floor so that she could demonstrate Brad's unique sexual skills. I braced myself. After a minute or so of grabbing, bouncing and grinding, she dismounted.

"Come on," she said, "that's weird, right?"

It was, but not quite as weird as being humped by your roommate on your living room floor.