Thursday, June 19, 2008

Liar, liar: The Reveal, Part One

Okay, peeps, let's see how well you all did on my little quiz, starting today!

Statement: Cuba Gooding, Jr. spilled a glass of wine down my dress at a party.

Answer: TRUE.
I arrived in Los Angeles in the fall of 2003 with two suitcases, no job and only a couch to sleep on. That couch belonged to a lovely model/actress who now opens one of the cases on Deal Or No Deal. She and I had been introduced by a mutual friend; I needed a place to flop while I got on my feet, and she needed someone to help with her rent. It was a good arrangement for six months; we were the same age and got along well.

About a month after I moved in with her, M/A invited me to a CAA party that was being thrown at the Pacific Design Center. Being an entertainment newbie, I admit that it was a thrill being up to my neck in famous people that I'd only ever seen on screen. M/A had also brought a guy friend to the party, so while she was off schmoozing, he (a lawyer) and I (still jobless) stood by the bar, discreetly clocking celebrities and joking about how we were going to be thrown out of the soirée for not being fabulous enough. Here are some of the peeps we spotted that night:

Alec Baldwin - Attractive in person, very hairy though

Uma Thurman - Tall and GORGEOUS. Seriously, pictures do not do that woman justice.

Jamie King - Really pretty, with a dragon tattoo that covers almost her entire back

Kate Holmes - Poor girl, she was still 'Katie' then. Pretty, sweet, quite tall. Free Katie!

Greg Kinnear - Looks older in person. He was talking to...

Eva Mendes - ...who is stunning.

Kate Hudson - was hugely pregnant at the time, and very self-conscious about it. She kept a trenchcoat wrapped tightly around her.

Jason Biggs - surprisingly cute!

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore - word had just gotten out about this couple, and EVERYTHING STOPPED when they walked in together.

Paris and Nicky Hilton - Pre-sex tape, Paris slouched, picked at her too-tight dress and seemed to have very low self-confidence. Nicky looked pretty together.

Rachel Weisz - Bumped into her in the bathroom. I was surprised at how petite she is. Perfect skin, very polite.

Ms. Weisz wasn't the only person that I had physical contact with that night.  As the party wound down, M/A wanted to do one last lap on the balcony. We walked through the bar area and were about to pass through the balcony door when a man slammed into M/A, dousing my blouse (and her skirt) with wine.

Well, at least it was white wine, and I wasn't wearing white! Wiping off my one-shoulder wrap, I barely looked at the very drunk dude who'd just given my breasts a shower.

"Ohhhhh! I'm ssssssssooo sorry!" He exclaimed, putting down now almost empty glass on a nearby table and wiping his hands on his suit. I looked up to see Cuba Gooding Jr. reaching for napkins to hand to M/A and myself. He did seem very contrite and, happily, did not attempt to "blot" my chest or her crotch. "Arrre you okay?" 

We were okay, of course. Apologies and okays were exchanged all around. "Now I can say that Cuba Gooding Jr. got me wet!" M/A joked. Which...ew. Clever, but ew, and slightly starfucker-y.

"AaaaaaaaahhhhhaaaahhhhAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Cuba thought it was hysterical. The two exchanged hi-fives. 

I hope he took a cab home. 

Stay tuned for Part 2 of The Reveal!

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