Friday, February 09, 2007

Fan mail


Dear readers, it is utterly delicious to receive comments and emails from all of you. Few things in life please me more than opening my inbox to find fresh feedback! After a year of blogging, I'm still stunned that this humble site has attracted regular readers from all over the globe. I do try to take a little time out of each week to reply to everyone who writes, even when the feedback isn't particularly flattering. Of course, I always reply in my own sardonic little way.

In that vein, I'd like to give a public play-by-play reply to "Anonymous," who took time out of his undoubtedly busy porn-surfing schedule to explain what he thinks is the cause of my single status. Apparently, Anon had an allergic reaction to this post, which I had thought was a fairly lighthearted musing.

We all know why you avoid married.

I haven't avoided marriage, I've just avoided marrying guys who were wrong for me. Most of the men I know don't really want to be married to women who don't want to be married to them. I know it's not the natural state of affairs for a woman to have a say in her life partner...those fucking feminazis and their man-hating women's liberation agenda have ruined romance for everybody!

Seriously. It consistently amazes me how, whenever a female blogger expresses doubts about marriage as an institution, some troll pops up to tell her that SHE IS A MAN HATER WHO WANTS TO RUIN HUMAN CIVILIZATION!!! I confess! Yes, you have uncovered my master plan! Insert evil laugher here!

You see, because you are GINGER, 34 and live in LA.

Good work, Captain Obvious, you read my profile! You're not illegitimate...er, illiterate!

No wonder, you only attract FREAKS.

Well, of course that's not all I attract, but this site isn't called Diary of a Viggo Mortensen Clone Magnet.

No good guys would waste their time with a superficial person.

Which good guys? This one? This one? How about this one? You know whose time those guys were wasting? MINE.

One sex partner is not enough for you.

Despite what your porn collection would have you believe, most women can only accommodate one man at a time. Besides which, it's the 21st century. Some of us females have the audacity - the audacity, I tell you! - to sample a few specimens from the male population before we settle on one to keep for our very own. Guys have been doing that since...um...the beginning of time?

And....speaking of Ginger, too many cheap porn stars named Ginger. Very sleazy name......

I knew it! Aaah, the sweet smell of roasting troll. I'm salivating! If you must know, that's not my real name. The nickname was given to me during Halloween 2001. A group of friends wanted to go to a party as the cast of Gilligan's Island. They already had their Gilligan, Skipper, Professor, Mr. Howell and Mary Anne...I was recruited to play the famous redhead. The nickname stuck. Just because a woman has, or takes on, that name doesn't mean she works in the sex trade. Way to make misogynistic, stereotype-influenced assumptions, MORON.

Your mind is so twisted.

Well, you've got me there...

Throw away the bullshit and get real!

Physician, heal thyself.

You don't know yourself.

Oh, but I know you, my sweet little Anon. You're the guy who's bought into the idea that men are naturally superior to women - it's science! - and you so desperately want someone to lord over and disdain. The thought of a woman running her own life, independent of male influence that she doesn't invite, makes you just apoplectic with rage, doesn't it? Deep breaths, baby, deep breaths. Stress can kill, you know.

You don't believe in married because married would give you a virus called PUSSY ANXIETY.

Oh, honey. The only thing that would make my pussy anxious is the idea of you being anywhere near her. I'd sooner plug her up with cement.

By the way, white is good color. It is funeral color in India, but you don't live in India.

Once again, your astute perception of the obvious leaves me stunned. I could make a few parallels regarding wedding dresses and white as a funeral color, but I think that Rodney Dangerfield cornered the market on marriage=death jokes.

You are boring and predictable, Ginger.

And you are a sad little man whose only source of female companionship is Backdoor Sluts 9.

Look at your self in the mirror, and ask "Am I try to be someone else I am not ?"

Look at your self in the mirror, and ask, "Should I be on Prozac, Xanax, or Zoloft?"

You lie to yourself, Ginger.

I don't lie, and from your reaction, I can see that the truth hurts. Be on your way now. Kisses!

Labels: ,

18 Comments:

Blogger Kerry said...

HAHAHAH... AWESOME!!!

7:22 PM  
Blogger CruiserMel said...

Greetings from another selective female who still hasn't lowered her standards. Hell, I barely do my own laundry, much less someone else's! Your emailer's name shouldn't be "anon" but "moron." Or a-hole.

9:40 PM  
Blogger The Gal Herself said...

Your post reminds me of how a woman I know once handled an obscene phone caller.* She listened to his hostile filth until he stopped to take a breath. Then she asked, "Do you think you do this because you saw your mother naked?" HE hung up on HER. I bet your poor poster, Anon, isn't able to perform well after reading this, either. Plus I think it's odd that somehow you'd be more acceptable and respectable if, rather than never marry, you instead took a vow before God and man and then divorced.

*What do obscene phone callers do now, in this age of Caller ID?

8:22 PM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Greetings, cruisermel.

*What do obscene phone callers do now, in this age of Caller ID?

I guess they send emails...le har de har.

11:51 PM  
Blogger misterniceguy1960 said...

So, wwhen you handed this guy his ass, did he tuck it under his arm, or ask you for a bag?

4:43 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Bwahaha, mrniceguy.

I served it to him on a silver platter...I'm classy like that.

10:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go Girl! What is his problem? Amazing that he is threatened by your independence and voice. i only hope the girl he is with will realize iti one day.

10:16 PM  
Blogger SonjaB said...

Very nice. I guess he'd really hate me, I waited until 37 to marry and my hubby does the laudry and cooking and home decorating.

Ohh, and we hire someone to clean. I'm a bad woman...

5:53 AM  
Blogger MadCamelJockey said...

too effing funny.

any person (we'll call them X) that thinks they know why someone else (herein Y) hasn't fallen for marriage - and then goes on to TELL that person - well, good luck getting married X :) or staying if you're already there.

thanks for the laugh :)

mcj

9:59 AM  
Blogger Blue Gal said...

Brilliant, dahlink! The only thing you left out was that he needs to climb his mom's basement stairs in order to look in the mirror. Otherwise, perfect.

10:00 AM  
Anonymous gustav said...

You don't know yourself.

I have been told that several times... :(

4:35 PM  
Anonymous witchy-woo said...

Just seen this, Ginger. Made me laugh out loud. Awesome response!

3:21 PM  
Blogger the navigatrix said...

Am I try to be someone else I am not?

Are all your base also belong to me?

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