Scary

For the most part, the single life agrees with me. However, I'm often told that I need to find a "good man." That's easier said than done, chicklets - if good men grew on trees, Yours Truly's blog would not exist. You know the old saying - "A good man is hard to find." Well, I could also say that a hard man is good to find, but that's another post entirely. Still, the archetypal Good Man is the proverbial brass ring of the dating world. Sounds like something I should want! But what does it mean?

Let's define "good," shall we? I'll leave out all the online profile stuff (has a sense of adventure! likes long walks in the moonlight!) and give you my personal bottom line: a good man pulls his weight in a relationship.

Readers, marriage is not in my future if I can't get me one of those men - and if there are none left, I will choose perpetual singlehood.

Listen, I know lots of good men. I'm aware that the male gender is not categorically lazy or selfish, but I have to say, I do not get favorable reports from most of my committed girlfriends. Tales of men who won't clean up after themselves, who won't help with the kids, who feign cluelessness when confronted about pee on the toilet seat/beard hairs in the sink/skidmarked underwear on the bedroom floor abound among married women. I've heard women refer to their first baby as their "second child," because their husband always acted so helpless. Too many of the women I know who've been married (or in long-term relationships) have relayed tales of being treated like cleaning, cooking, fucking machines by the man for whom they've forsaken all others. Hell, I have a friend whose boyfriend took off his dirty socks and threw them into her bedroom corner on their second date. Now, there's a suitor that wants to impress!

This may sound silly to some. "Ginger, what's a few dirty dishes? Some dirty clothes? It doesn't take you long to do it, does it?" Well, no, it doesn't, but that's not the point, poppets. The point is, if you make a mess and don't clean it up, you are disrespecting your partner. You are saying, in effect, "I won't do it, because I think it's your job, even though it's my mess." Not cool. Not even remotely cool, particularly if you do it day in and day out for years.

Mind you, husbands are not the root of all evil! I am not writing this post to condemn marriage as an institution. It can and does offer many benefits, for both partners. I've gotten some positive feedback from both husbands and wives. I know that there are men who pull their weight at home without being asked (my father is one of them, so you can blame him for my standards). I know that there are sloppy women, too. I know some happy wives who feel that their lives are much improved since they married. I'm a bit ambivalent as to whether marriage would actually improve my life, but when you meet a good person, things can change very quickly. I'm always open to change. Dear readers, constant change is life's only guarantee. As my Nan often says, "We make plans...and God laughs."

I'll tell you what, though; I am beyond petrified that I'll choose a guy who seems self-sufficient during courtship, only to revert to an adult childhood after the honeymoon. Reading this certainly hasn't helped. Seriously, check out the comments section - it's scarier than Night of the Living Dead.

Why are we still hearing these stories 30 years after the feminist revolution? If my significant other asked me where his boxers were, I would laugh, and not kindly. I follow my own rules, by the way. I've known where my panties were since I was three or four years old. No one waits on me, because I have four working limbs and a functioning brain. "Pull Your Weight" should be emblazoned on my family crest. Will there be times in a relationship when one partner needs support, and the other shoulders more work, to be supportive? Of course! Later on, should the other partner show their appreciation by maybe doing a little extra without being nagged? You betcha! Give and take. It goes both ways, or maybe I just think it should...in practice, it doesn't always work that way. Realizing this leaves me torn. How am I supposed to view a man as a full partner if he loses his ability to launder his own socks as soon as we get serious? How do I navigate the inevitable difficult times with an overgrown child who doesn't clean up after himself because it "hadn't occurred" to him? I'll be a mother to whatever children I bear, but not to the man who shares my bed. Does that mean I'll always sleep alone?

"Wife" is a job description, I'm often told. Well, "Husband" should be, too - and only good men need apply.

UPDATE: This is mind-blowing. Is it that difficult for women to speak honestly to their men? I've never had that problem...and I've never gotten married. Coincidence? Hmmm...

Hedonistic Pleasureseeker chimes in here.

Here's even more food for thought from PunkAss Blog.