Love and Marriage

I've never been married. Two of the guys I've been involved with were very into the idea, but I said no both times. I'm certainly not anti-marriage, but I've seen good, bad and ugly ones, and the whole concept of intertwining my life so completely with another person scares me. My parents, who had a good marriage, provided a terrific example for my sister and I to follow - particularly because they were open and honest about the tremendous amount of effort, compromise and love that it takes to stay married. Those of you who have already jumped into the deep waters of matrimony, I salute you.

Despite the fact that "marriage is a boat with a 50% chance of sinking" (my dad's words), getting married is expected, considered "normal" in our culture (unless you're gay, God forbid! ~sarcasm~). No question, marriage comes with its joys as well as its difficulties. But the institution itself is status quo, accepted as something that you "just do" when you're grown, one of the final rites of passage into adulthood (until the kids come, which is also expected). My saying "no" to marriage thus far has caused considerable head-shaking among many of my elders, and some of my peers. But it has really been a no-brainer for me. First of all, I've got ants in my pants, as my mother used to say. Up until this point in my life, I've been tremendously restless, needing to be constantly on the move and meeting new people, discovering new places. I also feel deeply that there's a light that has to dawn, a new awareness within me, a feeling of "eureka!", if you will - that will tell me that my life will be better with this particular man in it. That just hasn't happened to me yet.

I'm not afraid of such an intense feeling taking me by surprise, and I'm not afraid of it never coming at all. I'm always amazed when people suggest that I'd be "happier" or "complete" if I were married. I always reply, "Compared to whom?". My family taught me that if you want a marriage to work, you have to enter it already whole. I'm plenty happy, and although I really mean that, just saying it makes me feel like I'm defending myself, which is silly! I've got a great job, wonderful friends and a terrific family. I travel, volunteer, write, and dance. I laugh loudly. I'm grateful for every day. Marriage is, to me, a different lifestyle, not a superior (or inferior) one. It's not for everybody. I still don't know whether or not it's for me. When I go on a date, I'm not auditioning a husband. I'm looking for somebody that I can really connect with, that I can be a better person with. When I find that, maybe marriage will follow. Maybe not. I'll take it one day at a time. So many things in our lives are beyond our control - we can never truly know how we'll feel about today's choices later in life. The fact that nothing in our lives will stay the same, and that we only have today, are our only guarantees.

Whew! I just wanted to post this little marriage quiz for your enjoyment. But after taking it myself, I started to think, and this post turned out to be a little longer than I had expected! Check it out: many of the answers may surprise you! I'd also love to hear from the married and single people out there. What are your thoughts? Please comment!