Friday, October 31, 2008

Going down


Happy Halloween, everyone! My company is having a costume contest today that I'm really looking forward to. Creative people tend to go all out, with very entertaining results. It looks like I'm not going to be Joan Holloway after all this year; all the major fetes are tonight, leaving me no time to get her elaborate 'do. Women had to work so hard on their appearance back then. I would have needed hairpieces, setting, the works. If I had a party tomorrow night, I'd be fine with it, but it's too much for me to handle after 9 hours of the corporate grind. I don't exactly walk out of the house right after showering in the morning, but I'm out the door in an hour most days. When I gussied myself up to be Rita, just getting my hair done took an hour and a half. I haven't got the stamina for that after a long workday. I'm done for the year, but I can and will wear the fab "Joan dress" that I bought to work.

I'm still waiting on the Rita pictures, by the way. Sarah still hasn't emailed them to me. That's the last time she's on camera duty!

Last night I headed to a restaurant that was just a few blocks from work to meet a friend for dinner. While it's not exactly true that nobody walks in LA, most people won't walk if they can drive. I walk whenever possible, since my ass is in a chair all day five days a week. Not surprisingly, a great deal of my crazier encounters have taken place on LA streets, but I managed to walk to and from the restaurant without incident.

Things got interesting when I got back to the office to pick up my things. I used the ladies' room before leaving the building, and left my keys on the counter. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that until I was on the 7th floor of the parking garage, within 100 feet of my car. Shit! What an idiot. I had no choice but to go back to work to find them. The irony of having wanted to get some exercise that evening did not escape me.

The elevator doors opened to reveal a woman, who was quite pretty, and a man, whose face I didn't see for a moment, because it was buried in her substantial, and mostly uncovered, cleavage. She let out a small shriek and he snapped his head up, looking annoyed with me for showing up unexpectedly. I really didn't care. Slurp on it all you want, if you have her consent, as long as I don't have to watch. I turned my back to them and put my iPod buds in, pressing the elevator's lobby button.

My iPod Shuffle was set at a low volume, and the couple behind me were mostly quiet. I didn't hear much except for his grumbling and a few "tee-hees" on her part.

We reached the ground floor. Apparently, the couple had meant to get off (pun only slightly unintended) on the 4th floor, but were too wrapped up in each other to remember to press the button. The man was annoyed. He also thought, mistakenly, that my Shuffle was at a higher volume.

"Aw, man," he moaned, "we went all the way to the bottom because of this ho." He meant me. Cleavage Ho giggled, also unaware that I could hear.

Oh, hell no. They picked the wrong ho.

"That's nice," I snapped, turning my head slightly as I walked out. "Why don't you learn to fucking use an elevator, retard?"

She gasped. He was completely wide-eyed and silent. I smiled. The doors shut.

And...scene.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Linnaeus said...

Well played, Ginger. Well played.

10:17 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Not nice or politically correct, I know. One does get sick of the attitude in this city sometimes, and it's rarely confronted.

12:27 PM  
Blogger Eileen said...

I agree, that was definitely worth it, clearly it was their fault.

And about the ecard that describes my life: this year I went as Hedy Lamarr. Clearly no one knows who that is. But last year, as Coco Chanel, I didn't get recognized either. Sigh.

4:23 PM  
Anonymous witchy-woo said...

How did "ho" become short for 'woman'? I still haven't worked that one out...

8:05 PM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Witchy, the whole "pimp and ho" subculture pisses me right the fuck off.

Eileen, I know who Hedy and Coco are. Very classy of you.

11:15 PM  
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