Beware the gentleman who acts like a gentleman.
Readers, it's bad enough that ladies such as myself have to constantly dodge rude men. These days, it would seem that a few shady dudes have realized that, since sleazy doesn't work, they might lure in a few unsuspecting females with a polite facade. This tactic has worked on Yours Truly once before. More than once, actually. It's sad to say, but although I still hold out hope that a polite-sounding man is exactly that, I now have a cynical streak, and I am rarely proven wrong.
Case in point:
Yesterday I received this unusually polite email. It almost sounds like pleading, doesn't it?
Hi Ginger, I'd really like to get to know you. I'm hoping you'll read my short profile and let me know if you'd be at all interested in knowing me a bit better too. I hope you do. We could talk a bit, exchange pics, ideas, and see where that takes us. No stress, drama, lies, or expectations. Just nice words between nice people. Does that sound reasonable? I would love to hear back from you. You have nothing to lose, and you just might like who and what you find. Thanks for your time and consideration. If I don't hear back from you, I do wish you nothing but the best.
"Thanks for your time and consideration?" There's something I never hear; actually, it's the kind of thing you'd put on a cover letter. I guess that's appropriate, since the guy was really trying to sell himself. It was so polite as to be shady. Isn't it horrible that I think this way now? I don't want to, but it's a defense mechanism.
Well, I can benefit from the anonymity of the internet just like any of the crazy dudes who email me. I clicked his profile, which read:
I am an attractive and yes, married man with two wonderful children. Long story, but, I'd love to fill you in. I'm really looking for that one special woman that I can spend my free time with. All I do know is that there has to be more to life than what I am experiencing right now. Please contact me if you'd be at all interested. Who knows, you might be surprised.
Oh, honey. Nothing surprises me any more.
I'm really looking for that one special woman that I can spend my free time with.
The time you should be spending with your two wonderful kids?
Who knows what this guy's story is, and who cares. This is gross! You know, it's married people who've done the best job at keeping me from getting married. Now, I'm sure some of y'all are happily married, but I'm not talking about you peeps.
At least he was upfront about being married before we went out. I haven't always been so lucky!
Labels: Assholery, Online dating
posted by Ginger @ 12:31 PM
3 Comments:
"Beware the gentleman who acts like a gentleman." Sad but true. When I first joined a ballroom dancing group, a "gentleman" offered to help the newbie by pointing out the sleazy guys. It turns out the "single" asshole was just trying to cut down on his competition.
Wouldn't that be his *other* special woman?
The primary red flag for me (and it's also something I've been railing about since I first tried internet dating) is that he's not even trying to relate to you as a person. There's no sign that he read your profile. He didn't pick out something interesting about you and use that to strike up a conversation. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this is actually a cover letter, a cut and paste job that he sends to every woman he finds attractive.
Erika, I think that's exactly it. I sent him back one line: "I don't do married." He emailed me back! He was grateful that I had emailed him and wanted to let me know that it was an open ended offer. Then he wished me good luck. I'm wishing his wife and kids good luck. They're the ones who need it.
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