Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Apparently, my best efforts to look like a bitch are failing miserably

People are always asking me how it's possible that I attract so many nutjobs. Have my coworkers discovered the source of my problem?

A group of us were having lunch on Monday; I was lamenting the fact that I had not been able to go out on Saturday (for St. Patty's Day). I had been invited to a party, but my friend bailed on me at the last minute, way too late for me to make other plans. Even worse, none of my friends were available to go out that night, on the holiday itself. I was a dejected Irishwoman.

Male Coworker 1: You could just go to a bar by yourself tonight and see what happens.

Male Coworker 2: Yeah, I'm sure you'd make a friend pretty quickly.

Me: Considering my luck, I think that's about the worst thing I could do.

They laughed; most of them know about this blog, and a few of them read it.

Me: Honestly, I try my best to look unfriendly, but everybody's always telling me how approachable I look.

Male Coworker 2: You're totally approachable.

Me: That makes no sense. I am a New Yorker! Is bitchface not my birthright?

Male Coworker 1: Okay, give me your toughest 'don't fuck with me' face.

I complied, but instead of scaring my coworkers, I got a round of chuckles.

Male Coworker 1: Okay, that? Is brooding sexuality.

Me: What?! Are you saying that I tried to give you 'bitch' but actually did 'Blue Steel"?

Male Coworker 3: Um, a guy sees that and just looks at it like a challenge.


I'm going to have to start practicing my bitchface in a mirror.



Blogger Linnaeus said...

Sorry to hear your St. Paddy's Day didn't turn out like you'd hoped. Hope you still had a Jameson's to dull the disappointment.

6:56 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

This probably explains a lot about me, but my face looks like Cute Widdle Baby Face no matter what I do to it. Glares have no effect at making me look mean.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Letty Cruz said...

I'd lend you my patented bitchface if I could, babe! It's something about how I tweeze my eyebrows and purse my lips ;D

1:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have to put a little crazy into it. Like if someone fucks with you, maybe, just maybe, you'll go absolutely batshit. I've found that most guys are scared of the crazy.

2:21 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

I must not do crazy right. I've tried it, but then I wind up with the guys who love crazy.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Snark Scribe said...

Instead of bitchface, try a bored face. I find it's more likely to deflate egoes than sprout challenges.

11:41 PM  
Blogger Linnaeus said...

I think snark scribe has the right of it. "Bitch" face, for some guys, suggests a challenge that "bored" face doesn't. Hostility at least suggests some kind of passion; it's a serious deflater for some guys to know that they don't even inspire that.

3:41 PM  

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