Monday, January 07, 2008

Still dateless in LA

Buried at
Buried at


Readers, I have no date stories for you right now. Unfortunately, this internet thing is turning out even worse than I had expected. While I am corresponding with a few guys who seem polite, the vast majority of the men who have contacted me are a hot mess.

Por ejemplo:
• I have gotten a few emails from felons (still in prison), who are, for obvious reasons, absolutely out of the question. Aren't I the picky bitch?

• Got an email from a guy whose text read "U R hot. That is all." He attached a picture of himself, naked and apparently fondling his honker.

• One very special 26 year old suitor said - in his very first email - "Hey there, i know this is odd, but i was just wondering, are you good at giving head? Do you swallow? Do you take it up the ass??"

Odd? Does it sound odd? It sounds fucking disgusting, dude. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. What in the fucking fuck?!

From the emails I get, one would think that my profile pictures feature my breasts popping out of my top, or my ass in the camera as I bend over. Not a bit of it. My profile is - wait for it - a shot of me in jeans and a tailored button down! Le Scandale! Nothing screams "I'm a slut who's asking for it!" like COVERING YOUR ENTIRE BODY. I get the sinking feeling that even if I wore a burqua in my picture, some asshat would email me to ask whether I'd let him fuck me in the ear. I'd better not say that too loud! That'll probably be next.

Freaks, freaks, go away! Come again another day. Or never. Never works for me.

I shudder to think that one day, these guys may BREED.

The good news is, it won't be with me.



Blogger Linnaeus said...

Would it be much consolation for me to say that you are at least getting responses?

Then again, considering the kind of responses you've been getting, probably not.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

They're good fodder for my blog, but not much else.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Linnaeus said...

Sometimes it seems one can't win for for losing on the Internet scene. As a guy, I tend to get very few responses. The women I know get a ton, but so many of them are quite awful.

Then again, one could say this often applies to the more traditional methods of meeting and dating. Argh.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The thing that gets me is that there are so few decent guys online that when I do meet one, I go crazy over him. "OMG! A decent guy!!!" Then, after a couple weeks or months of dating I realize I'm not that into him, something I probably would've realized on the first date if I didn't usually have to tolerate so many freakazoids.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Merope said...

I've found that the number of disgusting messages I receive on dating sites practically tripled when I dyed my hair red. While gentlemen may prefer blondes, the perverts sure seem to dig redheads.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Freak Magnet said...

Try It's free, and the ratio of nice guys to freaks I've met has been a complete reversal of the other sites I've tried.

A friend also told me online dating takes nerves of steel. She was spot on.

10:37 PM  

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