Sweater girl

The place: Boston, 1999.
The scene: The marketing department at one of my former jobs.

El Estúpido inappropriate male colleague: "Hey, Ginger, nice sweater."

Me: "Uh, thanks?" Unsure as to whether or not he was being suggestive, I initially gave him the benefit of the doubt, even though he had tried to massage my shoulders on more than one occasion. Maybe he just has good fashion sense? I thought weakly. After all, I was a vision that day in an absolutely adorable cap-sleeved, scoop-necked, plum colored angora pullover. I was itchy, but damn did I look cute.

El Estúpido: "Yeah, um, you fill it out... real niiice." I kid you not, he actually made a "wax on, wax off" motion with his hands as he said this. Eyes directly on my tits the whole time. Oh, hell no.

Me: "Eyes up here, tard."

El Estúpido: {eyes continue to linger}

Me: {snapping fingers} "HEY!" His head snapped up. "Believe it or not, I am aware that I have breasts. All women have them. We live with them every day. We don't need them pointed out to us. If you do that again, I will personally drag your ass to Human Resources, where you can relive the joy that is sexual harassment education."

El Estúpido: {shocked, flustered and defensive} "Well, god! It's just a compliment! Don't be so sensitive!"

Me: "It's not a compliment. Do I make note of how you fill out your pants? Cut the crap."

El Estúpido: {storms off angrily}

It gets better, dear readers. I did not, (as I certainly had the right to do) run to the department director to complain about this incident. I wasn't freaked out, I wasn't ashamed, I wasn't afraid that I wouldn't be believed. I just have a policy of handling such things on my own at first, then taking it further if the behavior doesn't change, or escalates.

Believe it or not, El Más Estúpido immediately ran to our boss...to whine that Yours Truly was being mean.

El Estúpido: "Waaaaaah! Ginger's a bitch! She won't put up with me commenting on her boobies! Make her! Make her!"

El Jéfe Gay Male Boss: {incredulous} "DUDE. Are you kidding me? You do not speak to anyone that way. It is a flagrant violation of company policy. What is wrong with you? Do it again and you're out of here."

El Estúpido: "But...but...bros before hos, right? Right??"

El Jéfe: "Consider this a warning."

El Estúpido: {whines}

El Jéfe: {scowls}

El Estúpido: {sulks}

Ginger: {yawns}

There you have it. I can't make this stuff up, poppets. I'll tell you what, a supervisor who "gets it" is worth his or her weight in gold. This kind of thing goes on all the damn time, and I have worse stories. Yes, things have improved in the last few decades, but anybody who proclaims that women have achieved equality in corporate America must be working in the darkest corner of the boiler room in an underground bunker, with his head up his ass.

Equality means Thou Shalt Not Reduce Thy Coworker To A Collection Of Body Parts. Here endeth the lesson.