Sunday, September 03, 2006

Sex shout-out

"Hey girl! Girl! Girl!!"

Like most sane people, I don't appreciate being yelled at on the street by total strangers. About ten years ago, I was living in Boston (specifically, Allston). I had moved there in '95 with no job, knowing only one person - my longtime friend JoAnne. I was renting a small studio apartment on a side street off of Brighton Avenue. At the time, that area was a bit run-down, but fairly safe; it was mostly populated by college students, so it was very low crime. The neighborhood had a very active nightlife, and college students don't exactly follow a 9 to 5 schedule, so people were always out on the streets late into the night.

One weekend evening, I was going home after visiting JoAnne at her place on Commonwealth Avenue, which was only about a 5-minute walk from my place. Yes, I was walking alone at night. Dear readers, I won't take any flak about that; I was alert, but in no fear for my safety. If you know anything about violence against women, then you know that stranger on stranger attacks are extremely rare. The media would have you believe otherwise, but a woman is far more likely to be victimized by somebody she knows. The belief that women shouldn't be outdoors at night is harmful in that it a) keeps them in a constant state of fear that is unsupported by the facts; b) restricts their movements in ways not extended to men, which is sexist; c) places the blame for any stranger assaults that do happen on the victim, not the perpetrator (because she supposedly "should have known better" - I personally think that men should know better than to attack women); all of which d) distract attention from the very real problem of acquaintance and intimate partner violence, reinforcing sexism in our society. Not okay by me.

The soution, dear readers, is to be aware of your surroundings, and carry pepper spray in case of emergency. This advice would be well heeded by men, who are, in fact, twice as likely to be assaulted on the street as women. I was about two blocks from my apartment building when I noticed three guys standing on the corner talking loudly in a language that I didn't recognize. As I passed, a hush fell over them; then they started laughing and talking quickly, as if goading each other into doing something. I tightened my grip on my pepper spray, just in case.

"Hey girl! Girl! Girl!!" one of them shouted in a heavy accent. "Do you want to do it witt us?" His hairy little pals guffawed in approval. How gentlemanly.

I spun around. "No, I don't, so why don't you shut the fuck up," I spat. "I'm not a hooker just because I'm on a street corner, asshole." Amazingly, they all stopped laughing.

Somehow, I doubt that this dude would have shouted such things at me if Yours Truly had also been a dude. Readers, whenever I've complained to my male friends about street harrassment, too often I've heard that it's a "compliment", and that I should be happy to have been deemed worthy of male attention (even short, hairy and unwashed male attention, as in this case). "When you're older and your looks are gone, no one will say anything, and you'll miss it," I've been told.

That kind of logic springs from a black hole of lameness. Listen up, my bepenised readers; we women know that's total bullshit. Men don't make sexual suggestions to strange women to be complimentary; they do it to be intimidating. We know this because women don't do it to men - we'd be lambasted by our fellow citizens as crazed harpies if we did. This kind of "boys will be boys" behavior is a power play, one that I refuse to tolerate. That's why the Three Amigos shut their pieholes when I yelled back at them; they expected me to respond with fear, not anger.

It's called respect, people, and it should be extended to everybody. Let others, be they male or female, go about their business unhassled. Street shout-outs aimed at strangers is simply THOR (The Height of Rudeness).

Street Corner Dude hadn't deemed me worthy of respect. I was just "Girl" to him. To me, he was, and is, just "Asshole."


Blogger Linnaeus said...

I'm in agreement with you, Ging; there simply is no way that such a rude comment can be anything but that. Most guys know better and if they try to reason that such shout-outs are complimentary, they're rationalizing and therefore only fooling themselves.

I do think there are situations in which it's not out of bounds to compliment a stranger (I myself have been complemented, say, on a shirt I was wearing or what have you, although I do know it's different if one is a man), but obviously context is the key. If there's an opening such as a friendly exchange of words or something, then it *might* be okay to make a relatively innocent comment. Usually, though, it's best to keep it to oneself.

3:03 PM  
Blogger blacksheep said...

Men are pigs...a few years ago I had a flat tire, so I pulled into the local gas station to wait for hubby to arrive and pick me up to go and fix I am standing out front waiting, a carload of young boys pulls up beside me and one of the young punks yells out to me "how much," I replied to him "I am not a whore you fucking moron, so go get your jollies somewhere else." They sped off laughing and I was left to wonder, didn't your parents raise you better than that. It's not like I was standing there in my 6 in. stripper heels (as if I had any anyway)...some of it you can write off as just being young but the rest is just lack of manners. Perverts!

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This reminds me of one of the ickier moments in my adult life. The City was doing construction on the underground cables in front of the building I worked in. To get to work, we had to walk over a little gangplank over the manmade crater the construction workers had made. We weren't made aware of the work in advance, so on that first morning, I made my way in wearing a dress and pantyhose, but no undies. I was greeted to loud compliments to my "beaver." Building security came barrelling out and chastised the workmen, telling them I was just trying to get to my job, and if anything like this ever happened again the City was going to be notified. I was mortified by all this attention -- all before 9:00. But here's the chilling part: At the elevator, I was confronted by a female coworker, a divorced mom in her 40s. She asked me how, if the construction workers were no longer allowed to "hoot" at us, would she know if she was "pretty?" She was serious, and she was blaming ME for what had transpired, and was upset that I was depriving her of what she felt was positive reinforcement, not harrassment. (I know it's stereotyping, but I must note that she was blonde. I am not; just ask the construction workers.) Laurie at P.S. I've converted to the beta format, and blogger wonn't let me post as myself on non-beta blogs. Yet. They tell me they're working on it.

7:22 PM  
Anonymous tin301 said...

I went to karate school for a time. So my skills are a bit intact till now. Surely, we are careful but people around us are not. I hope prayers can work too in when we need them most.

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Anonymous firefalluk said...

100% with you on all of this, not least the 'she was asking for it' bullshit that we keep getting rammed down our throats by the useless fuckwits in the media. ANd the best protection is definitely an aggressive confidence.

5:34 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Linnaeus, you're right, context is key. The woman who's in the situation knows in her gut whether or not the man is beingn threatening; we have to stop giving women a hard time when they bristle at inappropriate comments.

Anon, that's an awful story. I'm glad that building security did something about it; they recognized a problem and dealt with it, which is surprisingly rare. It's sad about that other woman who processed comments from predatory men as validation. It just goes to show you that in our society, women are socialized to value their looks as their most valuable currency. Sad.

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