Sad little boys and the women they heckle

Three days ago, I got this charming email from some dude called Tom. The subject line said "Bacon":

You say you work and "date" in L.A....I'm sure you mean "pork" the guys and therein lies the problem with your whole life.

Lordy Lord. The stench of self-satisfaction coming off of that message reeks to high heaven.

I have to say that when I read this email, I laughed out loud...and then forwarded it to most of my friends, who laughed even harder. "Bacon" is most definitely the best subject line for that email, since any guy who would send this kind of message to a complete stranger is a total pig.

This guy has no knowledge whatsoever of my sexual history, and there won't be any details about it on this site. That's not my style; I'm private about that. I started this blog because I've had so many funny/crazy encounters with men that friends and family started to beg me to write them down. So far, blogging has been really fun for me; I'm Irish to the core, and my people love nothing better than to tell a good story. Dear Readers, why do some men always stoop to the "attack her sexuality" low? If she's secure enough in herself to *gasp* enjoy sex when she wants, with whom she wants, call her a whore! If she's secure enough in herself to *gasp* go for an extended period of time without dancing the horizontal boogie, call her a prude! Such women are unnatural and must be pilloried! Jesus tapdancing Christ, Tom, this is 2006! The Madonna/Whore dichotomy is so 1326. Catch up to the 21st century, already.

But, but, but...we can't have women freely enjoying their own bodies, or taking a break from sex whenever they want! Anarchy will surely ensue! The sky will fall! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria!* Innocent Readers, that kind of self esteem is so offensive that it's enough to make me clutch my pearls and faint from the vapors. NOT.

Dear Tom, I am not angry with you. Really. You labor painfully under the delusion that all women fall into one of two camps: sluts and prudes - and therein lies the problem with your whole life. Each woman is an individual, whose constantly evolving sexual history is uniquely shaped by many factors that affected her directly, not you. If you would back away from the porn surfing for just a minute, you would understand that.

Besides, I have a feeling that if I were a man, and you thought that I had "porked" everything within a 100-mile radius, you'd probably hi-five me. Asshat.

*Quoted from Ghostbusters (1984)